I also see how silence can become a form of control or punishment, especially when used as the “silent treatment.” In couples or families, this kind of silence can be particularly damaging. When one person shuts down and refuses to engage, it leaves the other in a state of emotional limbo—uncertain, anxious, and often feeling unworthy of attention. This form of silence isn’t just passive; it can be experienced as emotionally aggressive because it withholds validation and the opportunity to repair the relationship. This is where therapy becomes crucial, helping individuals understand the impact of their silence and guiding them toward healthier ways of communicating their needs or frustrations.
On a broader level, silence can also play a significant role in societal and systemic issues. In therapy, especially in the context of trauma work, clients sometimes speak about how silence around certain topics—like abuse, discrimination, or injustice—has harmed them. For many, being silenced or feeling unable to speak up about their experiences can lead to deep-seated shame, fear, or resentment. The silence surrounding these issues often keeps individuals isolated in their pain, reinforcing a sense that their experiences are invalid or unimportant. In these cases, part of the therapeutic work involves empowering clients to find their voice and break free from the silence that has kept them trapped.
It’s also worth noting the emotional toll that silence can take on mental health. When people feel unable to express their true emotions—whether due to fear of judgment, cultural expectations, or internalized shame—that silence can compound feelings of loneliness and despair. In therapy, I often hear clients describe how much of their emotional distress stems from things they haven’t been able to say. They may feel burdened by unspoken grief, guilt, or trauma. For these individuals, the silence becomes heavy, intensifying feelings of isolation and making it harder to seek connection and support.
I encourage my clients to recognize when silence is serving them and when it is acting as a barrier. Silence can be healing when it allows for introspection, but when used to avoid difficult conversations, control others, or suppress emotions, it tends to create more harm than good. In these cases, learning to speak—through words, art, or other forms of expression—can be a powerful step toward healing and connection.
In therapy, one of the greatest gifts we offer is a space where silence can be explored safely. It’s not about forcing conversation but about making room for the words, emotions, or truths that have been stifled or ignored. Silence, when held with compassion and curiosity, can transform from a source of pain into a bridge toward understanding and healing.
Be well,
Helen Barnard, M.S. Addiction Studies
Co-Founder
sevendimensions.org
